Understanding Your Child’s Speech & Language Skills

What do we mean by Speech & Language Skills?

Communication involves several different abilities.

A child needs to understand what others are saying, figure out what they want to say, find the right words, put those words into sentences, and share their message clearly.

Speech is also important. It means making sounds and words clear enough for others to understand.

Because of this, each child can have their own mix of strengths and areas where they need help. For example, a child may:

• talk confidently but struggle to understand complicated instructions;
• understand well but have difficulty finding the words to explain themselves;
• know exactly what they want to say but have difficulties with speech clarity;
• understand familiar everyday language but struggle with unfamiliar vocabulary;
• communicate very well at home but find classroom communication harder.

Communication can also be one of your child’s biggest strengths

Think about all the things your child does well, and use those strengths to help them grow.

Your child may:

• have an excellent vocabulary in areas that interest them;
• tell wonderful stories;
• be funny;
• enjoy conversations;
• explain their interests in great detail;
• communicate very effectively through pictures or demonstrations;
• remember facts and words extremely well;
• be imaginative;
• communicate particularly well with familiar adults;
• be good at expressing themselves in writing;
• be an enthusiastic communicator.

The goal is not to compare your child’s communication to others. Instead, focus on understanding:

1. First work out WHAT is difficult

The term “speech and language difficulty” is too general to give helpful support. Try to identify the specific problem.

Understanding language

Does your child have difficulty understanding:

• instructions;
• longer sentences;
• unfamiliar words;
• questions;
• explanations;
• classroom language?

Expressing themselves

Do they know what they want to say but struggle to:

• find the right word;
• organise their thoughts;
• construct a sentence;
• explain what happened;
• tell a story?

Speech

Is it difficult for other people to understand some of their sounds or words?

Communication in context

Does communication change depending on:

• home versus school;
• familiar versus unfamiliar people;
• one-to-one versus groups;
• calm versus stressful situations?

These differences are important because the support should fit your child’s real needs.

2. Get your child’s attention before speaking

Use the child’s name before giving an instruction. For example:

This gives the child a clear cue:

This simple step can help make sure your child hears and understands more of what you say.

3. Give your child time to process language

This is one of the strongest and most specific recommendations.

This step really matters.

Imagine saying:

The child doesn’t respond immediately. An adult may then say:

The child now has much more language to process.

Instead:

The quiet moment gives your child time to think about what you said.

4. Tell your child what TO do, not what NOT to do

Some children may have difficulty understanding negatives, so it’s recommended to tell the child what you want them to do. For example:

This makes your instructions clearer and easier to follow.

The child doesn’t have to work out:

You have told them directly.

5. Show as well as tell

Support spoken language with:

• objects of reference;
• photographs;
• visuals;
• and, for older children, lists, key words and calendars.

This is especially helpful if your child finds spoken language hard to understand.

For example, instead of repeatedly explaining the morning routine:

The child can see the information.

Or when preparing for swimming:

The main idea is:

6. Keep instructions manageable

Thinking about processing time and using visuals leads to another helpful tip: don’t overload the child with unnecessary language.

Compare:

For children who find language processing hard, breaking instructions into smaller steps can help them succeed.

This is particularly important when the child is:

• tired;
• distracted;
• upset;
• in a noisy environment.

7. Teach important words before they are needed

One of the most important recommendations:

This is a great strategy to use at school.

Imagine tomorrow’s science lesson introduces: evaporation, condensation, temperature, vapour.

A child who struggles with language is simultaneously trying to:

Instead, introduce the important words beforehand. Show:

Then when the word appears during the lesson, it is already familiar.

8. Parents can use the same principle at home

Pre-teaching isn’t only for school.

Suppose your child is going to the dentist. Beforehand, you might introduce:

Pictures can help.

Or before travelling:

The goal is to make new situations feel more familiar by teaching your child the words they will hear.

9. Help your child find the words

Some children understand what is happening but struggle to express themselves. You might hear:

Try not to jump in and finish every sentence for your child right away. Give them time.

If they remain stuck, provide support. For example:

Pictures, gestures or choices can sometimes help the child communicate when the exact word is difficult to retrieve.

The main aim is for your child to get their message across, not to say everything perfectly right away.

10. Help your child organise what they want to say

Some children have lots to say but struggle to put information into an order that another person can follow.

Using visuals or simple outlines can help. For example, when describing something that happened:

• First: What happened?
• Then: What happened next?
• Finally: How did it finish?

Pictures or important words can make this easier.

The same approach can help with:

• telling stories;
• explaining school events;
• describing a problem;
• planning written work.

11. Don’t mistake a language difficulty for behaviour

Imagine telling a child:

They walk outside.

It may look like “They ignored me.” But perhaps they didn’t understand all of the instructions, or couldn’t retain all of the language.

Similarly, if a child gets upset when asked many questions, they might feel overwhelmed by too much communication rather than simply be uncooperative.

Before interpreting behaviour, ask:

12. Communication can change with the environment

A child may communicate beautifully:

but struggle:

Noticing these differences can give you helpful clues. Ask:

• Who does my child communicate best with?
• Where?
• About what?
• What changes when communication becomes harder?

This helps you find out when your child communicates best, so you can try to create those situations more often.

13. Speech difficulties are different from language difficulties

Knowing the difference can help parents understand their child’s needs.

• Speech: primarily concerns producing sounds/words clearly.
• Language: includes understanding and using words and sentences to communicate meaning.

A child can therefore have:

You can seek help from your local Speech and Language Therapy services, including resources on Developmental Language Disorder and webinars that support speech and language development.

14. Speech & Language at school

Classroom plan

• Get attention first: use the child’s name before an important instruction.
• Give processing time: wait before repeating or rephrasing. Around six seconds is a good guide.
• Keep language clear: tell the child what you want them to do.
• Use visual support: pictures → objects → key words → lists → calendars, depending on the child’s age and needs.
• Pre-teach vocabulary: introduce important new words before the main lesson.
• Check understanding: don’t assume that because the child is quiet or has said “yes”, they understood. Where appropriate, ask them to show or explain what they need to do next.

The aim is not to test your child. It’s to make sure your message was understood.

15. Look at the other domains

Speech and language show clearly why all nine areas of development need to work together.

Suppose a child doesn’t follow instructions. Why?

• Speech & Language: they didn’t understand.
• Attention & Impulse Control: their attention moved away.
• Cognitive/Learning Skills: they understood but couldn’t hold all the steps in mind.
• Sensory Processing: the environment was too noisy to process what was said.

Or suppose a child struggles socially. Why?

• Social Interaction: they may have difficulty understanding the interaction.
• Speech & Language: they may not understand the language or be able to express what they want.
• Flexibility: they may understand perfectly but struggle when the game changes.

What you see on the surface might look the same. But the real reason behind it can be different.

Your first three actions

You don’t need to try everything at once. Choose one communication situation that matters.

Action 1: Identify the problem

For example: my child often doesn’t follow the morning instructions.

Ask:

• Is understanding the problem?
• Processing time?
• Too many instructions?
• Remembering them?

Action 2: Make ONE change

For example:

• Say their name → give one instruction → wait six seconds.
• Introduce a visual morning checklist.
• Pre-teach five important words before a new school topic.

Choose one. Stick with your chosen strategy for a while.

Action 3: Review after 1-2 weeks

Ask:

• Did my child understand more easily?
• Were fewer repetitions needed?
• Was there less frustration?
• Could my child communicate what they wanted more easily?
• Did they become more independent?

Rate: Better / No change / Worse

If your strategy works: keep it. Then move on to the next area where your child needs support.

When might further Speech & Language support be useful?

If you are still worried or if your child’s difficulties are making it hard for them to understand, communicate, learn, or join in, it may be time to get more advice from a Speech and Language Therapist.

Remember

Communication is much more than “Can my child speak?” Ask instead:

Start with small steps:

And preserve the central principle:

Begin with your child’s strengths, and use them to help with the things they find harder.